Hi everyone! So some of you will know that I was struggling to come up with some ‘funny’ bits for my writing group tonight. Well I came up with a few pieces yesterday which further proves I work better under pressure and deadlines (think I just a need a kick up the arse really). So I am going to read them this evening but I wanted to share one with you. Please feel free to let me know what you think, and I hope you all have a wonderful day 🙂
Do you have your Boots card?
One of my friends likes to inform me when she has had sex. I don’t know why, but I suppose she is the type of friend that we can talk about that kind of stuff. On more than one occasion Rose has texted me the link to the song “I Just Had Sex” by The Lonely Island. It started in our late teens and the first time it took me a second to cop it. If it’s not sending me the link it is mentioning it next time I see her. But after she started dating her current boyfriend she upped her game.
While in work one day, I sneakily checked my phone to find a text from her. It was not the link to a song this time. It was an actual text with words. It read that the night before, on her 3rd date with the beau she slept with him. It continued to read that issues with the contraception meant she had to go to Boots the next morning to get the morning after pill. She thought it was hilarious that the cashier asked if she wanted to use her points to pay for it. That was a lot of information to take in while working on a checkout. I’ll admit I was a bit taken aback, I didn’t think they were that serious. Anyway I responded about being more careful and joked about her always informing me with too much detail.
Now let me tell you about a different friend. This friend shares none of the details about her sex life. In fact Edie could have a boyfriend or husband and I may never know. Sometimes I think of her as asexual because of her lack of interest in dating or romance of any kind. This means she also doesn’t give a crap about who you’re dating or not. Don’t get me wrong I love that about her. We enjoy more important things in life, like a good horror movie or a decent noodle bar. While out at our local joint, we were catching up about work and that.
All a sudden she said it. “Did Rose text you yesterday?” I knew it. Before I even looked at her face I knew what she meant by that. I looked at her with a coy smile and said “About what?” I wasn’t going to say it first just in case I was wrong. It was not my business to say what Rose does but also it is not something you talk to Edie about. “Eh she text me saying she slept with your man and had to get the fucking morning after pill.” I couldn’t believe it. Ah Rose, rookie mistake. No sex talk with Edie. I told her that she text me but I didn’t think she told anyone else (turns out she told three of us in total). And Edie pulls no punches when it comes to speaking her mind. “I wrote back and said what the fuck makes you think I wanted to know about that?! She wrote back saying she thought I’d appreciate the Boots points thing. I told her well I don’t!”
I couldn’t stop laughing. Rose, of all people in this world, Edie is the last one you text to say ‘I just had sex’. Your mother would have had a better response to that news!