So I think it’s time I share some stories about my love life, personal life, whatever you want to call it. I set this blog up because I think I have had some funny,happy and sad experiences while dating and I wanted to share them. Maybe you’ll see something familiar. Maybe you’ll just laugh. Maybe you’ll judge me. That’s OK. I’m putting it out there for you to maybe learn from it like I have.
When I talk about ex’s I am not doing them in numerical order. They all might not be technically ex’s because we may never have come to the point of being a ‘couple’. They’re still worthy of being part of my story. Looking at it after it’s written it’s quite long but I don’t want to cut any details. I hope you enjoy.
I used to work the Christmas period in a large retail store. Three in a row to be precise. The second year I started just before Halloween. It was Tommy’s first year, he started the end of September. We didn’t talk much at first, I suppose until we got to know each other. I learned he had a child. One day while a few of us were in the canteen the topic of Snapchat came up and we exchanged usernames. I thought Tommy was cute. I have a thing for blondes. There was something else though, his eyes. They reminded me of someone. My first boyfriend, first love. It didn’t matter though because he was in a relationship with a child.
So we exchanged snaps here and there. Continued to work together. Until the week before Christmas. We both worked twelve hour shifts on the Friday, and I dropped the manager home. I didn’t get to bed until nearly midnight and sent a snap saying only home etc. He snapped back asking why and I explained I gave the manager a lift. We started chatting and I asked did he not live with his girlfriend. He told me he didn’t have a girlfriend, he was split from his son’s mother. After chatting a bit more we exchanged numbers. We flirted.
There was a work night out two days later. (I’m going to disclose everything because if I don’t the tale could seem different) On the night out he came over while I was sitting down and chatted for a second. He was going for a smoke but as he walked off he gave me a sly kiss on the cheek. I had butterflies. Some of the girls knew we were texting, I think the lads too. All of a sudden he was on the dance floor kissing a girl. WTF. I was done. I enjoyed the rest of my night. Then drama started with one of the lads and the girl whose house I was supposed to stay in. She stormed off before I even noticed, wouldn’t answer the phone. We all went back to Tommy’s house for a few drinks. He told me I could stay there if I wanted, save me travelling home as I lived far. He’d crash on the couch. I should have just went home. I know that. But I didn’t.
Straight to the point we made out and ended up having sex. I’ve never done that and I felt shit after. We started hanging out, seeing each other. I don’t sleep around so I hated myself for this but then reassured myself that it was OK because now we were dating. He always asked if I wanted to come over after work. “For a chat, for tea, to hang out etc” He seemed really interested. I should point out he lived at home so I got to know all his family, real fast. Things were going well. We didn’t just have sex all the time so surely it wasn’t just about that. One night while we were lying in bed he started telling me intimate things. Things I wouldn’t have felt comfortable telling him. When I asked why we told me he said “Because I really like you and I want you to know everything good and bad.” So this was a big deal right?
Apparently not. When his brother said something about me being his girlfriend he would point out “We’re not together.” This hurt and I don’t know why I didn’t say more about it. But it had only been a few weeks so I thought if we just let it run its natural course we’d get there. Right? He mentioned him and his friends planning a holiday that summer. A lads holiday, where you drink and be with loads of girls. His description, not mine. I suggested us taking this slower, more casual. I suppose I wanted to see what he’d say but also try to justify what we’re doing. “Hey, if it’s my decision to just have casual sex then the ball is in my court.” He said he didn’t want that because we’d stop seeing each other all the time, only once or twice a week until eventually we’d stop seeing each other all together. BUT he didn’t want girlfriend because of the shit he had with his ex. This guy confused me so much. Do you want me or not Tommy? The final hurdle was when he was off one Saturday from work and he didn’t text me at all. On the Sunday we had planned to chill in mine and I’d make us dinner.
Sunday came and he told me he was tired and why don’t we just hang out in his. It all became too much. I told him I thought we should just be casual, this wasn’t going anywhere. Hoping he would say what he did last time. But he didn’t, he agreed. I had enough. When I left I text him (childish I know but I was upset) telling him we should just stop all together. His response? “Are you sure?” That was it. No contest. I said yes and that was that. No reply. It had only been a six week thing. But it was intense and having to work together made it worse. I didn’t love him or anything but his attitude in work and coworkers whispers made it hurt all the same.
The next week he came in and told my friend he had a date. He knew she’d tell me. They started seeing each other. They are still together and have a child. sometimes I wonder was it going on while we were. I tried to over analyse everything. What he said, what I shouldn’t have said etc. But would it have made a difference? Maybe we just weren’t suppose to be anything more.