Over the years I’ve dated deadbeats and jerks. I’ve learned from it. I no longer put up with certain things. For example, I wouldn’t date a guy who doesn’t have a job. This isn’t because I want a guy who’ll pay for everything or buy me stuff. It’s because I want to do things with my life and I can’t do those with someone who can’t afford them. And yes, Ireland went into a recession. Loads of people lost their job. I did. I learned. I bettered myself. I worked hard. I don’t have time for a guy who doesn’t want to work or make something of themselves. Why should this be any different for a friend?
I met Erica when we were both Christmas temps for a large retail store in December 2014. We got on great. After the work finished I went on and got my current job and she went back on the dole. We still hung out. She told me she wanted to become a make up artist and that she had done the course. She is quite talented and I told her she should apply for jobs or at least do some nixers. Then after a few weeks she said she got a Jobbridge (basically an unpaid internship for nine months) at a hair salon. She seemed to really like it at first and then it got tough. She would moan about her boss and the job. After six months she left. I told her to apply to other hair salons because she had the experience but she never really bothered. While she was working she got a lot of tips and that but would spend it on silly things. She also smokes and does a bit of weed (although she says she has quit now so I don’t know). Fast forward to this year and she said she got an apprenticeship in a salon. It was great, more money and she was already making plans. She wanted us to get tickets to Electric Picnic. Two weeks later she quit.
When you asked her to do something like the cinema or dinner she has no money, never mind enough for weekends away. She doesn’t drive so even to just hang out I have to go down to hers because if I ask her up to mine she wants you to pick her up. When she asks you to hang out she’ll suggest going to Bray or Dún Laoghaire but never offers petrol money. One day she asked me to hang out and I checked out what was going on in town that was cheap or free. There was a free comedy gig on and I said we could get the bus in and out. She wanted me to pick her up, drop her to get her dole, drop her to her friends who she owed money and then come up to mine to get the bus. This was at 2pm and I didn’t finish till 5pm. I told her to do all that while I was still in work. She didn’t. Because I wouldn’t bring her around, she cancelled plans.
She doesn’t seem to be looking for a job. There’s no ambition there. She’s happy living at home, not handing up any money and staying in bed half the day. If she was looking for a job or even doing a course I wouldn’t be writing this. I never judge anyone trying to make something of themselves. It’s not just the money side of things. She cancels plans all the time. She will make plans, then when you call her she’ll say she’s over in a friends or her aunts. She’s even done it when I’m on my way over to hers. Guys have done this in the past and I don’t put up with it anymore.
The reason I came to the decision to ‘finish it’ with her happened a few weeks ago. On a Saturday I messaged her on Facebook asking her to come out that night. Her reply was “why didn’t you tell me last night and I wouldn’t have gone out and spent my money”. I wrote back saying I didn’t know yesterday. Then I said “why didn’t you ask me out yesterday?”. Her reply? “My phone is broke I couldn’t text you.” Hang on. We’re messaging now on Facebook. You knew you’d get me on here. That’s when it all really hit me. I wouldn’t deal with that if she was my boyfriend.
If I don’t want a broke, flaky boyfriend who has no job or ambition, why should I want a friend like that? Now by breaking up with her I don’t mean a big dramatic fight or the official “I’m not talking to you”. I’ve just accepted that she won’t be the friend I travel with, or check out the latest film in the cinema with. We’re obviously at different times in our lives. So I’ve stopped asking her out. I don’t text or message her. Funnily enough she doesn’t text me as much either so maybe she has realised it too. Anyway I wanted to share this story with you because I think it’s important that we make sure we have happy and positive people in our lives.