Hi everyone, hope you’re having a fantastic weekend in the sun!
After a small conversation with another blogger on my last post( https://writingsofasinglegirl.wordpress.com/2016/05/12/why-i-didnt-go-to-my-crushs-party/comment-page-1/#comment-224 ) We were talking about how guys will say things like they don’t want a relationship, but usually it just means they’re not interested in you. So I decided to write about Brian to give an example.
I met Brian the month before my 21st, at Halloween. We had a mutual friend who he asked about me when he saw me. Later in the night he asked for my number. He would text me here and there when he was on nights out and I didn’t pay much attention to it. Until the January when I saw him on a night out and we kissed. But again after that, nothing came from it. No text, no date. So it became a thing that we would see each other on nights out. Soon I ended up going back to his after nights out. There was no sex. Just sleeping together. I hate saying this but Brian was the best guy I ever slept with. We would go asleep with his arms around me. You know how people fall asleep like that but then usually move apart once asleep? Well when that happened, if I moved at all in the bed Brian would stir and put his arms back around me.I loved it.
I guess that’s why I kept going back. Even when he told me he didn’t want a relationship. Not after his ex played mind games and got her brothers to hop on him. Even when I realised he was a little too fond of going out drinking with his mates almost every night. Even when I wouldn’t hear from him until the next night out. Where he would come over to me with a drink. Ask me to go for a smoke. Eventually ask me to go home with him. I still went home with him. I was young and naive. Lonely too I suppose. And his arms made me feel at home.
He never tried to have sex. He seemed content with kissing, a little fooling around. It wasn’t until the middle of August. I had come back from holidays and went out the following weekend. We went back to his and had sex. My tan even darker in my white dress. He said I looked amazing. I suppose I thought he would miss me while I was away. That he’d cop on and want me to be his girlfriend. But sure why would he miss me? He went days at a time without talking to me.
I tried to finish it. More than once. I would avoid him on nights out, tell him it was done. He’d plead and apologise. Or I wouldn’t be out and he’d start ringing me at 3am wondering where I was. I should have ignored the calls, the texts. But I would convince myself that they meant he missed me. That he wanted me. Loved me. So I’d go back. We only ever had one ‘real date’. To the cinema, then takeaway and back to his.
Looking back I know better now. Brian was never in a position to commit. To me anyway. We sorta fizzled out at the same time he started dating some other girl. They are still together four years on. I see him on nights out every so often because of mutual friends. He’s not the only guy to use the “I don’t want a relationship” excuse and I’m sure he won’t be the last. But I’ve learned from them. It’s usually the easiest (and cowardly) way to tell us girls, hoping we’ll figure it out. I know now that you can not make a guy want to be with you. There is no way to change their mind.
On a side note Brian is thirty this year. Still living at home, out drinking with his mates. All of them in dead end jobs. I’ve also seen him tell his girlfriend the night is finished so she goes home and he comes back to the house party that we’re all going to. Looking back I’m glad I dodged a bullet. I know it would be harder to finish something with him now (if we had gotten together years ago), realising that he’s no intention of doing anything with his life.
So if I was to give you some ‘dating advice’ it would be this. When a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, try to accept it. You won’t change his stance on the matter. And realise that maybe it is the best thing for you. Wasting time on a guy who doesn’t want you will mean wasting time you should be spending with someone who does!