It’s 5.30 am
I’m texting you
But you’re texting her
It’s 5.30 am
I’m texting you
But you’re texting her
I will start this one off by saying this post is about a silly girl getting upset over a stupid boy and doing something ridiculous.
To start I have to tell you about Lee. Lee is a friend of my friend’s boyfriend. We met for the first time at Electric Picnic last year when a whole load of us went. We got on, flirted a little. I liked him and some of the girls thought it would be funny to go tell him and ask if he liked me (bear in mind we were all 25/26). I didn’t know this at first, and I wondered why he stopped talking to me on the Sunday. Until he told my friend that the girls said it to him and that put him off, because he thought I had asked them to.
We wouldn’t meet again until Longitude this year.
I was excited to see him for Longitude. See if anything would happen. Again, we got on well and flirted. After the gig a few of us went into town to a club. I will say now he was fairly drunk, we all were. He spent the night messing with me and flirting. Melissa thought we were definitely gonna hook up because he kept coming over to me. When we were all in the smoking area we were talking and I hoped he’d take the chance to kiss me. He didn’t. A song came on that I liked so me and the girls went back in. Not long after the guys followed. Lee came straight over.
“Are you mad at me?”
I didn’t know why he would think that but I took the opportunity to ask him something that I wasn’t sure about.
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
I was happy but also wondered why he didn’t take the hint and kiss me. He did continue to mess and keep putting his arm around me. I know here is where a few of you will say “why didn’t you kiss him?” but I couldn’t. I have such a fear of being rejected/turned down, whatever you want to call it, I very rarely go in for the kill myself.
Anyway the night ended and we all went back to crash in my friends. No kisses for Bré.
I got the nerve to Facebook him on the Monday and he wrote back but by Wednesday the messages stopped coming.
We would see each other again the next week for his friend’s leaving party, who was travelling abroad with my friend. There was a BBQ in their house so my friend picked me and one of the other girls up. On the drive over we started talking about the drugs we had tried over the years. Or they did. I’ve never really done anything like that, apart from smoking weed once with my first boyfriend years ago. I’ve never felt the need to do pills or coke. In a way though I was little jealous they had done so much.
The BBQ went well. At first I was a little embarrassed because he never responded to my last text. But after a couple of hours and a few drinks we were back to chatting and flirting. We all headed out to a club that night. In the queue he stood beside me ad we got in before the rest. We went to the bar and to gauge his response I said “so are you gonna buy me a drink?” and he did. While waiting to be served I stood behind him with my hand on his hip while he looked back and flirted. I thought for sure something was going to happen. We got our drinks and he even said something like “if you’re lucky that’s not all you’ll get tonight” while handing me the drink. It was cheesey and cocky but I was drunk and lapped it up.
We all headed for the dance floor. I climbed the steps, the girls too. Then within what seemed like a second I turned around and he was kissing someone. I felt sad and wanted to cry. Yes we’ve never even kissed before but sometimes a crush can be even stronger than love. I downed my drink. One of the other lads started dancing with me. He had been a bit touchy feely back in the house and so I went into kiss him. Childish yes. The guy pulled away and whispered to me “Bré I’m gay”. Oh that just topped it all. I was mortified. I knew then I wanted to be off my face and that drink just wouldn’t cut it.
I don’t know why the notion got into my head. I mean obviously because we had spoken about it earlier. And I turn completely stubborn when drunk. If I wanted to get drugs nothing anyone said would stop me. It wasn’t hard to get something. I knew a girl outside in the smoking area and as soon as I mentioned it she was showing me the pink pill. I swallowed it without hesitation. If sober now could go back and smack myself I would. But drunk, sad me would still have done it. I think in my head it was like a “f*ck you Lee”, even though me taking drugs would make no difference to him. But we all know our minds don’t think clearly when drunk.
At first nothing happened. I tried to go back out and get something else but my friends stopped me (thank God). In an instance it hit me. It was like everything was intense, in HD or something. I don’t remember much because the night seemed to be over in no time. I remember dancing in a big group of the guys and girls. I know I looked off my face though by the looks my friends were giving me. I’m not sure if Lee knew at this point because he felt the need to come over and ask “Are you annoyed at me?” (He had a habit of asking those type of questions didn’t he? Without thinking I said “how many girls have you kissed tonight?” His response? “What was I supposed to do?”
I was done. I walked away from him and the next thing I remember we were all getting taxis back to my friend’s house. Lee let me stay in his bed. Even then I was trying to get him to come up with me but he stayed on the couch.
The next morning we joked about it so I didn’t have to deal with too much shame or embarrassment. The lads have done worse so they couldn’t say much. I decided to give up on Lee, what was the point.
Now I’ll see him for the last time probably in two weeks, for my friend’s leaving do (she’s following her boyfriend over to Canada). I think I need to resign myself to the fact that he just likes to flirt with me when he’s drunk. So I just won’t put myself in the position to flirt with him. Casually avoid him and just enjoy my night.
What do you guys think? Have you ever done something silly over a boy/girl?
While at a party last week, the subject of psycho exes came up. One friend, Melissa, said how she hates people over reacting, saying their ex is a psycho. I said I’ve never had a psycho ex boyfriend before. To which Rose said “Eh yeah you have” as if it was common knowledge. I racked my brain, thinking who she was referring to. The only one who would come close would be my first boyfriend and she didn’t really know him. I asked her who she meant.
“That guy you worked with who pretended he didn’t have a girlfriend.”
She was referring to Brian. From when I was like eighteen.
“Yeah he lied about being single. That doesn’t make him a psycho, it makes him an asshole.”
This is exactly what Melissa meant by people exaggerating when it came to exes. I went on..
“Speaking of Brian and psycho exes”
And I proceeded to tell them a little story…
I had only been seeing Brian a little while when I was out with a friend one night. Brian was texting me and told us to go over to his afterwards for a few drinks. I was eighteen and he was twenty three. His own car and apartment, which was all new to me. We headed over and were not long there when there was a knock on the door. Brian looked in the peephole and turned to us.
Samantha was his ex girlfriend. They hadn’t been split up long when we started seeing each other. She used to work in our job before I started. I had never seen her before. He then opened the door and asked what she was doing there. She asked to come in. He let her. This would be the first “why” of many I would say in my head. She was surprised to see us there but she sat down, calm as a cucumber and had a drink with us. She had to know one of us was seeing him. Through conversation something came up about an age (I think it was twenty five) so she said “Oh you’re twenty five?” to me.
“No I’m eighteen.”
Then I realised. Someone in work told me before. She was thirty one. She was sitting in front of a girl over ten years younger than her, who was possibly dating her ex. There was an awkward silence and a death stare flashed towards Brian. My friend went for a smoke and Samantha went too. Brian kept apologising. I said we would go but he asked us to stay. When they came back in Brian and Samantha got us more drinks. My friend informed me that Samantha knew it was me he was seeing, then told her very personal things, like that they had had a miscarriage the previous year. I felt terrible and so uncomfortable. Eventually Samantha left and we all went to bed.
At seven am there was knocking on the door. I didn’t pay much attention until Brian came back in to tell me Samantha was back and could I go into my friend in the spare room. I did and had to awkwardly explain to my friend what was going on. We then proceeded to sit there on the bed and listen to him explain that she can’t just show up like this. She asked to use the bathroom and he let her in. There was silence for a few minutes and then a knock and Brian’s voice.
“Samantha, what are you doing?”
I couldn’t hear the response.
“No, stop cleaning!”
I kid you not she was scrubbing at the bathroom floor. After about ten minutes she came out. I heard her suggest she would go to the shop to get sausages and rashers. She wanted to come back up and make us breakfast. Yes, us. She knew we were in the spare room and wanted to make food for everyone. Brian told her no. He said he would drop us home and that when he came back she would have to leave. So he drove us home, awkward silence and all, while his ex girlfriend cleaned his bathroom.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is a psycho ex.
What do you guys think? Ever have anything mad like that happen to you?
A girl I know is seeing this guy on and off for about three years. They’ve been on again for almost a year. Firstly I’ll just quickly say that I think he’s a dickhead who is just stringing her along until he gets bored. He’s also a sponger who is constantly borrowing money from her (we won’t say the amounts). But she is crazy about him.
Last week she told me he bought her tickets to Rihanna last Tuesday. Then while we were chatting he text her saying “Do I still owe you any money?”. And I knew it. He was breaking up with her again. Tying up loose ends. When I saw her on the Monday she told me. He was supposed to go to a family event with her the weekend and bailed. She got annoyed and told him she needed his support but he still decided to go off with his mates and get pissed. On Sunday he told her he thought they should just be friends. That the sex was complicating things. They weren’t friends before.
Let me clarify this- sex doesn’t complicate things. Being an asshole does.
Oh but he still wanted to go to the Rihanna concert together. She was unsure. She didn’t want to say no and “look spiteful”. So she said she’d go and meet him there and head home straight after. Of course that’s not what happened. He insisted she come to his first and head in together, and then after he asked her to stay the night. We all know that glimmer of hope when they want you to spend the night. “Maybe he does want me. Does love me.” So she did and of course they slept together. The next morning he informed her this didn’t change anything.
I’m sure some of you are thinking “You’re an idiot, get away from him” and some of you will empathise, maybe even relate. It’s hard to tell someone to finish it, make a clean break. Especially when he keeps leaving little breadcrumbs for you to find your way back. I hope she has her epiphany soon because only she can make that decision. Or maybe he’ll f*ck off again soon.
I wanted to focus on the whole “friends thing” though. I truly believe that you can not go from lovers to friends. Especially if there is any feelings there, which one party always has after a break up. Sex doesn’t complicate things. Sex is a bonus. The jealousy, love, resentment and awkwardness complicate things.
I’ve never used that line on a guy because it’s an insult. It was only ever used on me once but I knew I couldn’t go from one to the other so it ended there. My friend knows she can’t be friends with her guy because she couldn’t bear to see him with someone else while she’s supposed to be happy for her ‘friend’. I also think, well, what makes you think I want you as a friend. I have enough friends, they’re awesome. I don’t need a shitty half ass friend just because you are too cowardly to end it properly, or because you want to keep that connection there in case you’re bored or horny.
OK so you’re friends with your ex? Straight after the break up? That he initiated? Fine, you’re the exception that proves the rule. None of my friends are mates with n ex. I only speak to one ex but most definitely don’t consider each other friends. I just don’t think it can be done.
OK so I downloaded Tinder again. (I’ll never learn) After flicking through the different profiles some thoughts came to my head. So lads, if you want to get anywhere on Tinder I suggest you follow these tips (ladies, pay attention too).
Let’s face it, Tinder is about appearances. So make sure your photos are up to scratch.
OK so a lot of people (from both sexes) are just looking to hook up. That’s cool. You do you, boo. But don’t waste my time when I’ve made it clear I’m not interested in just sex. Tell me your intentions from the start and we can part on good terms, quickly.
So there you go guys and gals. Now go forth and upgrade those lame ass profiles. Find the love of your life, marry and have cute little babies. Sorry getting ahead of myself!
Recently someone (a guy) asked me how was I still single, because I seem really cool. This isn’t the first time I’ve been asked. I find guys ask this because they think it’s a compliment, maybe they think I’ll gush and fall for them. But this isn’t the way to impress me or get my attention. I can’t recall a single woman asking me this question. And I find it hard to believe that men get asked this question often.
It got me thinking anyway. When people ask this question I feel it implies that the only reason someone can be single is because a “suitor” hasn’t chosen to be with them. Nothing to do with our choices. I’ll be honest it does make you think “Wait why am I single? What’s wrong with me?” And so I came up with some reasons why I’m single. You can pick one or all of them, because they’re all true (at some level).
Why am I single? Because:
So there we are. Some reasons why I’m single right now. Maybe next time a guy asks me I’ll send them this list and see if they’re still interested haha!
Do you ever suddenly realise that someone (most likely a boy) isn’t what he seemed? Or maybe he was and now he’s changed?
I met Will almost five years ago when I went out with a friend one random night. She was meeting old college friends and Will was one of them. We clicked straight away. After the bar we all walked to one of the lads’ houses for more drinks. Will and I kissed on the way there. He took my number and actually text me the next day. It was great. Will is from Dundalk so after texting for a bit he asked me out and came down to Dublin. He made the effort. We went for a drink and then to a film. He had a weird sense of humour like me, and is super tall (I’m 5′ 10″ remember). I really liked him.
After the date we kept texting all the time and the next week I drove up to him. We just hung out in his, watched films. And this is the part where you will think I’m either a bitch or just a weirdo. I don’t know what it was, but something inside me just thought “I’m not sure about this”. When I left his house I went home. After a few days, I started not texting me back as enthusiastically. I wouldn’t send big long messages back. And he still wrote long texts and was eager. I started to feel this pressure or something. When I wouldn’t write back he’d text me again after a while. I told him I thought it was a bit much. He apologised and said he wouldn’t text me as much, but I just felt like it was done and I didn’t want to see him again.
Looking back I know that it was most likely the typical “girls don’t like good guys”. Lame excuse I know. As you will find out from this blog I have a history of picking assholes so I think when Will seemed actually interested in me and made an effort I didn’t know what to do so I bailed. Or perhaps I was young and stupid. Or just a bitch. Maybe it was a combination.
I don’t remember the period in between that and when we were back talking. I’m sure there was an awkward patch where we didn’t text but I couldn’t even tell you how long. I’ve always remembered talking to Will, whether texting or on Facebook, but I know we were basically always flirting.
After I stopped seeing the guy I worked with two years ago we started texting again. My friend even mentioned about us flirting on Facebook. Then at Halloween that year I remember he was texting me asking for a photo. After a couple of drinks I hinted at something between us and he said he had just broken up with someone and wasn’t ready for anything else. I guess I was disappointed. Surely if Will liked me that much years ago and he seemed like he still did, he should have wanted to start seeing me if he had the chance? Yes, a selfish thought but I have to tell you the whole story or what’s the point? So we left it for another while. I hoped he’d make a move when he was ready.
I used to always think about Will. I even thought about writing a post and calling it something cheesey like “The one who got away”. I’m still not sure if he was or not. But he was nice to me. He has a head on his shoulders. He’s a manager and bought his own house last year. We have good chemistry. Then again, we could have started dating and he may have turned out to be an asshole too. I haven’t seen him in a few years though so it culd all be in my head. I guess it’s the not knowing that keeps him coming to mind every now and then.
OK so not only do we still talk on Facebook and texting but now there was Snapchat too (we all know what an evil flirtatious trap Snapchat can be. No? Just me?). Lately we’ve been texting a lot. A while back we chatted about me coming up to Dundalk but nothing came of it. But he would be down in Dublin and never tell me.
OK so I’ll point out now that years ago I owned this silk shirt. Just a normal shirt you would wear out but he had this thing about it. He used to joke about me sending him pictures of me in it. Honestly like it was literally a normal shirt I’ve no idea why he liked it so much. Anyway, recently he started telling me that I’d have to send him a picture if I wanted to know when he down in Dublin. He never talked like that in the beginning. So I told him I threw the shirt out (which I did). He was not impressed. Well he didn’t seem impressed but then again his humour sometimes made things a little unclear.
So last Saturday I was having drinks in my brothers and I was texting Will. After joking a bit he said something about me “trying to get rid of him five years ago”. So was that it? Was he still bothered by that? Could we not move past it? Had it changed him? A lot of questions but no answers. We were texting most days this week and on Thursday night he text me at 11pm to say he was in Dublin and heading home in the next hour. Like why doesn’t he tell me so we can make plans?
Either he just isn’t interested anymore and is playing me. Or maybe he is and is just worried about me bailing again. I’ve made it clear that I’m interested in him. I’ve mentioned going up to visit him. Either way I think it might be time to give up on the idea of Will.
What do you think?
Every time you talk I want to answer you,
let you know I feel the same
but I’m not part of it so I stay quiet.
I had gotten over you
until I had to see you everyday.
Convincing myself we’d be great together
I thought there was something between us.
I know now that’s not true.
You seem wiser than your years
and at the same time you act your young age.
I refuse to be your pal when the others aren’t around.
I love your cheeky smile.
I felt bad ignoring you in the canteen
Were you trying to make an effort
Maybe even a move?
I remind myself you’ve had chances
and passed them up.
So I’ll do my work, answer you politely
give attitude when you warrant it.
You do your work, laugh with the clique.
I’ll keep secretly hoping to find a message
from you on Facebook.
Hi everyone! So today’s post is no 23 on my single girl bucket list. If you haven’t checked it out yet here you go!
I met Luke on Tinder, before it became overrated. He had just moved over from England a few months beforehand. We chatted for about two weeks, texting loads. We decided to go for a few drinks midweek because it suited us both with work and that. We met in a local bar on a Tuesday.
I was so nervous because even though we hadn’t met yet I liked him a lot. But as soon as we met it was so comfortable. It was like we already knew each other. We had a couple of drinks and talked about anything and everything. He actually said “Thank God for whoever invented Tinder because otherwise I may never have met you.” Yes it was all sorts of Edam and Camembert but I soaked it all in.
While Luke was in the bathroom, I checked my phone. My friend Deirdre had text me seeing if I wanted to go to town with her. We usually went out on Tuesdays and one of the lads was home from England for a few days. I told her I couldn’t because I was on a date. She didn’t take no for an answer and kept texting me. Luke came back and we kept chatting. When we got a bit tipsy my phone beeped again and I told him it was my friend asking me to go to town. He said “Let’s go” I asked was he joking and he said no, that it would be fun. So that was it. We were in a taxi on the way to town to meet Deirdre and Shane in Diceys.
Again, as soon as everyone was introduced, they all got on great (good ol’ alcohol). We drank and danced all night. When Luke went to the bathroom he came back with a lolly for me. (From the toilet attendant- he didn’t randomly find a lolly in there) I thought that was real cute. When Deirdre and Shane went off to the bar, Luke kissed me. Our first kiss. The group took some pictures together and Luke asked to get some of just the two of us. He added me on Facebook, which to me is a big deal because I don’t add random guys on it. He said a lot of things that gave the impression that he already wanted to see me again. Like we were talking about a book and he said he had a copy and would “give it you next time”.
When the club closed we all went for food. Luke seemed interested in getting to know my friends. And getting to know me better. Finally it was time to call it a night and we got a taxi home. As he dropped me off the sun was coming up and birds were chirping. It was 5.30am and Luke was in work at 9am. A few casual drinks turned into one of the funnest dates I’ve ever been on. I put it down to our chemistry but also because we chatted for a bit before meeting up. Being comfortable with the other person is huge.
Hi everyone, hope you’re having a fantastic weekend in the sun!
After a small conversation with another blogger on my last post( https://writingsofasinglegirl.wordpress.com/2016/05/12/why-i-didnt-go-to-my-crushs-party/comment-page-1/#comment-224 ) We were talking about how guys will say things like they don’t want a relationship, but usually it just means they’re not interested in you. So I decided to write about Brian to give an example.
I met Brian the month before my 21st, at Halloween. We had a mutual friend who he asked about me when he saw me. Later in the night he asked for my number. He would text me here and there when he was on nights out and I didn’t pay much attention to it. Until the January when I saw him on a night out and we kissed. But again after that, nothing came from it. No text, no date. So it became a thing that we would see each other on nights out. Soon I ended up going back to his after nights out. There was no sex. Just sleeping together. I hate saying this but Brian was the best guy I ever slept with. We would go asleep with his arms around me. You know how people fall asleep like that but then usually move apart once asleep? Well when that happened, if I moved at all in the bed Brian would stir and put his arms back around me.I loved it.
I guess that’s why I kept going back. Even when he told me he didn’t want a relationship. Not after his ex played mind games and got her brothers to hop on him. Even when I realised he was a little too fond of going out drinking with his mates almost every night. Even when I wouldn’t hear from him until the next night out. Where he would come over to me with a drink. Ask me to go for a smoke. Eventually ask me to go home with him. I still went home with him. I was young and naive. Lonely too I suppose. And his arms made me feel at home.
He never tried to have sex. He seemed content with kissing, a little fooling around. It wasn’t until the middle of August. I had come back from holidays and went out the following weekend. We went back to his and had sex. My tan even darker in my white dress. He said I looked amazing. I suppose I thought he would miss me while I was away. That he’d cop on and want me to be his girlfriend. But sure why would he miss me? He went days at a time without talking to me.
I tried to finish it. More than once. I would avoid him on nights out, tell him it was done. He’d plead and apologise. Or I wouldn’t be out and he’d start ringing me at 3am wondering where I was. I should have ignored the calls, the texts. But I would convince myself that they meant he missed me. That he wanted me. Loved me. So I’d go back. We only ever had one ‘real date’. To the cinema, then takeaway and back to his.
Looking back I know better now. Brian was never in a position to commit. To me anyway. We sorta fizzled out at the same time he started dating some other girl. They are still together four years on. I see him on nights out every so often because of mutual friends. He’s not the only guy to use the “I don’t want a relationship” excuse and I’m sure he won’t be the last. But I’ve learned from them. It’s usually the easiest (and cowardly) way to tell us girls, hoping we’ll figure it out. I know now that you can not make a guy want to be with you. There is no way to change their mind.
On a side note Brian is thirty this year. Still living at home, out drinking with his mates. All of them in dead end jobs. I’ve also seen him tell his girlfriend the night is finished so she goes home and he comes back to the house party that we’re all going to. Looking back I’m glad I dodged a bullet. I know it would be harder to finish something with him now (if we had gotten together years ago), realising that he’s no intention of doing anything with his life.
So if I was to give you some ‘dating advice’ it would be this. When a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, try to accept it. You won’t change his stance on the matter. And realise that maybe it is the best thing for you. Wasting time on a guy who doesn’t want you will mean wasting time you should be spending with someone who does!